TheyBannedMe.com -- The home for banned trolls, flamers, asshats & douche bags


About the Site

Two Ukrainian cousins from Philly, Reckless Bastard and Optimous Douche, were tired of getting banned from every site they ever visited and bored as shit at work. One day, they had the moronic idea to start this cesspool as a diversion from their pathetic lives and to make them feel better about being anti-social rejects. After months of procrastination, the two hired their degenerate friend, MasterAsshole, to turn their dream into reality. MasterAsshole was highly qualified for the job: he had been unemployed since the spring of 1968 and would work for beer and pot. So our heroes navigated the world of web development about which they know even less than they do about being productive at work. Finally, after months of bickering and numerous melodramatic threats to quit, the site went live on May 10, 2008. On May 11, 2008, we received our first threatened lawsuit after a poster registered and then decided that he was easily offended. We sent MasterAsshole to the poster's house and we haven't heard from either since. Rumor is that they opened a cattle ranch in the North Dakota wilds where they could live without persecution of their lifestyle choice.


Meet Your Moderators



Reckless Bastard

Reckless Bastard hard at work in his officeGood for Money, Otherwise Useless.

Since Reckless was the only one willing to play AIDS roulette blowing transients in 30th Street Station to hoover out the $62.95 we needed to start this site, he is our financier. When not removing scabs after his monthly outbreak, you can find Reckless masturbating to porn that is pumped to his monitor from the closed circuit peephole cam he installed in his own grandmother's bathroom.


MasterAsshole (Missing)

MasterAsshole piss drunkWebsite Admin and honorary member of the Johnathan Taylor Thomas fanclub.

MasterAsshole is a crusty loser that sits on his ass all day in his daddy’s basement. MasterAsshole takes time from jacking off to monitor you fuckwads when his donkey has a headache. If you have any questions, MasterAsshole will take his sweet ass time responding because either (A) The Internet he steals from his neighbor loses connection and he is too cheap to pay $40 for his own hookup; or (B) He just does not give a straight fuck about you or anyone you are affiliated with or any problems they have experienced in the past, are experiencing in the present or will experience in the future, period. MasterAsshole looks forward to expanding our Internet presence into Antarctica, Zaire, and Lizard Lick, NC in ’09.

Gone Missing: Two days after our launch, MasterAsshole disappeared without a trace. TheyBannedMe.com has grown tired of cold calling the various prisons and jails up and down the Eastern Seaboard looking for him and has filed the necessary paperwork to have him declared legally dead so that we can squabble over his antique butt plug collection.


Man's Man

Romainian Neckbiter.*

Man's Man about to bite a cock

(Sung to the tune of 'The Beverly Hillbillies Theme')

Hey folks here’s a story about a man named Man’s Man,

A dirty fucking foreigner that sucks cock every time he can,

Then one day stumbled on to TheyBannedMe.com,

He liked to tell us all that his cock is really long.


He likes black holes, assholes that is…

Well, the next thing you know Man’s Man becomes a mod,

Arrogant and cocky the fucker thinks he’s God,

The first one to ban and then unban himself,

This paradoxical action collapsed a continental shelf.

Cataclysm, the end of days.

*We’re all going to die in our sleep for letting this blood-sucking Romanian taint our souls.





Optimous Douche

Optimous Douche, deep thinkerCreative Dead Wood.

Optimous provides feature length articles that no one will read, graphics which everyone will flame and call him a fucktard for developing and any other insipid writing activities like this About Us page. Optimous truly loves his gig of writing comic reviews on Ain’t It Cool News and didn't really have time to devote to a new website, but Reckless Bastard has compromising pictures of Optimous fucking a pumpkin with Gary Coleman lodged in his ass. No, not a figurine or doll, the actual Gary Coleman.


Phlailing Phanatic

Phlailing Phanatic is horney again! Oh no!Great Lay.

Phlailing Phanatic literally backed into a modship one night at Optimous Douche's house after too much Peach Schnapps. After re-enacting their favorite scenes from Logjammin' together, Optimous gazed into Phanatic's buggy eyes and asked him to help regulate this disgusting shit pit. Having no life outside of comic books and avoiding mirrors, Phanatic agreed.

Phanatic is known for many things, none good. For example, he has a computer that was cloned from a rudimentary PDA from the Jurassic Era found encased in amber. Consequently, nothing enrages Phanatic more than looping animated GIFs and Javascripts, which reduce his porn consumption 250% while they are loading.

Phanatic usually presides over the “Bourbon Shift” (midnight to 3:00 A.M.) and can be found drunkenly hitting on forum members—male and female alike—during that time.



TheyBannedMe.com is poorly run by two Ukrainian cousins from Philly. Copyright © 2008 TheyBannedMe.com. All Rights Reserved.